If your truly feel the need to self-harm, there are other options that you can do to feel pain but not hurt yourself. One that I know is that instead of cutting your wrist or arm, take an ice cube and hold it against your flesh until you feel the need to pull away. Or you could put it in your mouth and hold it against your cheek until you have to spit it out. It makes you feel pain as cutting would, but without injury. If you wish to see blood, you can even dye the ice cubes red with food coloring so that when they melt they drip red.

I rather hear that you slowly pulled away from self harming and that you found other alternatives to pain with you are upset. I understand it must be difficult and I hope that your problems can be sorted out through possible therapy or self coaxing. Maybe during times when you feel the need to cut you can distract yourself with something you enjoy such as writing or drawing. If you feel you have no outlet, maybe you could engaging in said activities just to get your mind off things and to focus on something other than the cutting.

I really hope things turn around for you in the future and don't think you're in the wrong. Like said above, we all have different ways to cope with our emotions or situations, but some need a better alternative than others.