Thank you, everyone. I am doing better today.

It's funny -- in therapy last time, we talked about choices. I know that to cut or not to cut is a choice I have. But sometimes it makes me angry that I have to consciously make the choice! It makes me angry that I am such a mental health trainwreck that I even consider purposely hurting myself. And when I get angry -- or frustrated -- or overwhelmed -- that's when I want to cut the most.

In the meantime, I'm behaving -- but only because I live in rabid fear of disappointing my therapist. I hate letting other people down, though for some reason I couldn't care less about letting MYSELF down. I guess because I do it so often I just don't notice it anymore.

Thanks everyone for caring and listening. It helps to hear from people who understand this first hand instead of out of a textbook.

Candy

<i><purple>There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers</purple></i>