I hurt myself again tonight.

I was feeling very self-hating. I wanted to punish myself for being so stupid.

So I did it.

But after, the usual feeling of relief and calmness, wasn't there. All I felt was pain. I never feel the pain. But tonight I did.

I whispered "why do I do this to myself?"

Now I just feel, in-shock from it not working for the first time ever. I feel so stupid.