Yesterday was Sweetest Day and despite my boyfriend's kind efforts with affection and small gifts such as flowers and a card, I kept having this nagging feeling of sadness throughout the day. I felt terrible because I wanted this day to be near perfect as many of my days with him are.. But I couldnt even bring myself to fully enjoy myself. At one point, I even found myself on the verge of breaking down upon the porch after he walked me home. It happened so unexpectedly that I felt so confused and irritated, angry at myself for what was happening. I was ruining our time because of my random sadness and reappearing tears. He held me and comforted me through this but I couldnt stop feeling utterly alone within this pain that I could understand or reach.... Why do I have this tight lump in my throat or this overwhelming urge to simply hide within the darkness of my own room? Why cant I tell him or the people who supposedly care that I feel so depressed and that its scaring me because I cant find the source... I am so tired of getting sick because I am spending the night crying so hard... I am tired of suffering and wish I could give my boyfriend the happiness he deserves