Hello brindle

You are young. You are very confused. You are afraid. None of those aspects are unusual at all. A slim percentage of people experience happy times of their lives in youth. Most of us are thankful that childhood and teen years are over! I know that I wouldn't re-live those years of my life for anything in this world ~ it was much too painful for me!

Thankfully, I suppose that I was lucky in that my parents noticed that I needed help somewhat early & I began regular therapy when I was in 6th grade (although it should have begun much earlier). Better late than never! Have you ever come straight out and talked with your parents about getting help? Not to minimize the hurt that you are feeling towards your parents for their seemingly lack of care, it is possible that they just don't know what to say to you. They may be afraid of hurting, scaring, or alienating you ~ so they may avoid talking about what they see in you.

If that isn't an option for you, talk with your school counselor. I have been hospitalized a couple of times as a teen and a few times as an adult. While those times weren't remarkably enjoyable, each time did help me overcome my SI and helped me come to terms with my struggles at those times (for the most part). I have also continued with therapy, since i was a little girl & that probably won't ever stop. I have accepted that sometimes I just can't handle everything that life throws my way & I need help. Suicide isn't an option.

That means medications, regular therapy, group therapy, and occasional hospitalizations. But, things will become better again as long as I can accept that reality of my life. Hospital services have become a lot more active (with educational classes and support groups) nowadays, rather than just sitting around like we did when I was a teenager. They also don't want you in hospitals forever. They want to diagnose you and begin treatment, then make sure that you have decent support & understanding waiting for you when you're released.

Gentle hugs to you ~ take care!