Okay, so I really don't know where to start. This is some of what I had posted on the new member forum:

I'm 18. I'm attending college for business management. I've always had issues with moods and whatnot, from the time I was a child. My father was diagnosed with quite a few things, and my mom is OCD and has anxiety issues. I was diagnosed with ADD and bipolar when I was 12, but I'm afraid I've developed more than just that. I was on meds for a little bit when I was diagnosed, but I haven't really been on anything since then. I've been pretty under control of everything, or at the least I've been good at hiding it for the past few years.

I started dating my current boyfriend about a year ago. I moved him with him this past July. I don't know what happened, but I completely fell apart. I feel like if I keep all of this up for too long I'll lose the one I love. I tend to notice when I'm doing something abnormal, that is more "out of place", but I didn't notice when I done anything this time, and I don't know why. The past few months I've fallen into a more depressed and very moody stage. Some nights I end up crying until 3AM for who knows what reason, I don't sleep well at all, I haven't been eating much. When we moved in together, we actually moved into an extended stay hotel in a tourist town. He ended up making new friends, while I kept to myself. I felt like they took him from me. I felt like he was happier around them and he was around me, and that he was going to leave me just to be with them. Pathetic, I know. Considering this was a married couple with kids. I ended up leaving him in a huge fight about a month ago, for no reason, and I honestly regret it. He's given me another chance. I don't deserve it. I do this almost every year, about the same time. I freak out and end up hurting everyone around me that matters. I've fallen back into my old habits..playing games every hour of the night, eating one time a day, not talking to anyone, keeping to myself.

I've tried talking to him about me being put back on meds, or going to talk to someone with me. He says that there are ways to control "bipolar" without meds. I know. I haven't been on meds since I was 12. I don't want to screw everything up with him though. I don't want to end up making him hate me, I love him. I just want him to understand. I was wrong, and I may, at one point in time, be wrong again. I don't want to hurt him again. How can I get him to understand, or should I just not bug him about it?

Now, with college, I don't know if I'm going to be able to finish out my degree. I can't talk in front of class, I can't give presentations or speeches. I end up doing okay for the first 30 seconds, then I start crying and leave class. It's odd, because I'm okay to go up and talk to any stranger on the street, but when I feel like something is expected of me I end up freaking out. I fail at everything. I know I do, but at least I try, yes? I feel like I've put myself in this situation, that I've allowed myself to become this way again.

There are a few things that have happened that I can't think of at the moment, if I happen to remember I may post them, I don't know.

Again, much longer than I wanted it to be. Maybe I'm just imagining things and there's honestly nothing wrong. It honestly feels like something has changed in the last few months though. Don't know.