I have had depression since I was 13 years old, I have struggled with it all my life. I get in these moods where I push people away, expecially the people who love me the most. I just dont know how to let anyone in when I get this sad, I feel like giving up most of the time, because I dont feel like I have accomplished much since I have become an adult and its very frustrating. My mom has clinical depression, and she has been on meds, and been in a mental hospital before, maybe all of that has something to do with why I am the way I am. She is not the greatest mom in the world, I can't talk to her about how I feel because she will just say I am feeling sorry for my self and just make me feel even worse then I already do. I dont really know who to go to , because no one ever listens or understands me, or they say they understand and then say we will see what we can do to help you , but it never happens. This isn't for attention, and I know thats probably what they think, but its really not. I am seriously depressed, I think of ways to escape this, and the only ways that I can cope with this since I am not on my medication anymore and haven't been for a long time , is I self medicate my self with perscription pills or alcohol, sometimes mixing them together. I dont know who to talk to, so thats why I signed up for this support group. I can't afford to be back on my medication, and I also can't afford a therapist currently. I just need someone to talk to, someone who understands what I am going through.