How about trying some therapy? Then you can stop this cycle of insanity of going round and round and getting nowhere. Therapy will help you deal with the issues you have, so you can really cope with them, so you can react in a so-called "normal" way and take care of things so they don't kick you in the teeth time and time again. You CAN have that happy life and not fall apart at the seams. Therapy will help you with that.

Call your medical doctor and go in to see him -- talk with him about getting a referral to a good therapist -- he will know who you should see. He'll kknow the best one around. Then once you have a referral, you'll be able to make an appointment and get in as soon as possible. The sooner you get in the better.

I do hope you'll call your doctor. You won't regret going into therapy, I promise. I went thru therapy and it did me a world of good. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee