I know last time I fell in love with someone, it took a long time to get over it. I dread that happening again. I can't stand the pain that he brings. But he's like an addiction. I can go see him when he's working and pretend like I'm just shopping now. I used to work for him. The thing is, though, that there are certain items that I need that are only sold at that store. So even if I didn't want to see him, I have to when I go in there. He's like a drug, and when I don't see him it's like going through withdrawals. Seeing him is like getting a fix. But it never lasts. Talking to him is even better, but it will never go anywhere. I just feel so fat and ugly sometimes, like even if I could have him, why would he like someone like me? Why would any sane man or woman like someone like me? I look at myself in the mirror and I hate the way I look. I've had plenty of ppl tell me I'm cute, attractive, pretty, beautiful, whatever, but I always feel like it's forced because they feel sorry for me. I have no idea whether or not they really do mean it because my views are so screwed up.