To those that have expressed their disgust in my response,

Hamster asked for ideas. I simply provided these to her.

I like Hamster, too, and agree that she offers much support and care to everyone here, including me. I find it surprising that you have decided for her how much information is the appropriate amount for her to be in possession of, and whether this information was desired by her, or not.

It seems to me, that you, like me, would rather the issue be resolved and moved past as your true feelings, have been clearly expressed, by your extreme squeamishness and offense by my detailed reply to Hamster.

This shows not Hamster's fear of experimentation, but your own. If she was not interested in ideas, as to what she may enjoy purchasing, in celebration of her birthday, and newly found sexual revolution, then I doubt she would have placed her post to begin with.

Someone here at PC wrote once, "If you don't want to start a fire, then don't go collecting kindling."

As to fetishes and kink...are you serious? Do these words imply perversion to you? Some will find Hamster's post a sickly perverted request, but we thinking and "rational" people know intellectually, regardless of the emotional reaction the subject may cause within us, that her desire for something new in her sexual life is no different than a desire to explore another country, or hobby. It is the curious nature of humans that drives some to climb mountains, explore underwater caves, dream of heading into space or, simply looking into a leather shop, the adult version of a candy shop.

My fear, when hearing of Hamster's birthday wish was the thought of an inexperienced woman entering what is very often a seedy establishment, (although I know that there are now trendy, "cute" little sex shops, which are filled with novelty toys, like a dollar store, that will not only fail to meet the needs Hamster has expressed, but will break within their first use.) and believe that the advice offered to her, by me, to shop from the safety and comfort of her own home to be wise and protective,- proof that it is Hamster's safety that I had in mind.

Again, there is nothing wrong with her desire. Most people have within them what they consider a "dark" thought, which is really just a fantasy. Some are comfortable acting upon and exploring these desires, some act upon their fantasies and then spend their days feeling guilt, and shame, for they have been taught that these thoughts are nasty, dirty, and bad, and the rest do not act upon them at all, believing themselves to be moral and pure, calling others out, that speak or act on such desires, as corrupt creatures in need of repent and rehabilitation.

This makes me think of some Catholic priests, Christian T.V. evangelists, politicians, and members of a 'community' in which the sharing of thoughts by minds, that are as diverse as the disorders and lives that they have lived.

There is nothing wrong with fetish, kink, fantasy-whatever you wish to call it, as long as those that are participating are all in consent of the "game."

Have you thought to consider that Hamster, having admitted that at her age, and never having experienced the sexual manipulation of an object other than that of another partner, may have been glad to have received the information of options, especially when so specific a list, as to lead her to an idea that she had not considered?

Me thinks thou doth protest too much... and perhaps are equally as uncomfortable with the thread as I, for emotional reasons, for you...I won't presume but maybe, the subject of sexual enjoyment is confusing and deep in your own subconscious a form of "deviance."

Feel free to block me, for it is the same as sticking you fingers in your ears and crying, "Na,Na,Na,....I can't hear you! I'm not listening." Which is how children and set-minded adults react when their own belief systems are challenged in a way that they know not how to express in an open debate and dialogue.

I could have done the same. I could have decided to ignore Hamster's sincere question, but understand and accept that I am simply 'one' in a world with many that have different interests and beliefs, whether these are religious, social, political, ecological, sexual or any number of other subjects that cause division among small-thinking men and women.

I have every right to feel and express some discomfort in a subject and at the same time, offer advice because of my understanding that my opinion is just that, mine, and does not make Hamsters desire immoral of invalid.

Tell me, if my niece were to come to me with questions regarding things that she desires to do sexually, and I am uncomfortable, do I tell her that is nasty and send her to ask her questions on the school yard, or do I set aside emotions and speak to her from a place of facts?

Hamster, if you feel that I have offended you by taking you at your word, believing you to be serious in you request for ideas, and then offering the most complete response that I was comfortable with sharing, including with it, reasons why I believed it to be a safer, and more enjoyable process to explore your options from a 'known' safe website, so that you would be able to take as much time as you needed to find the perfect gift in which to give to yourself, then please, I ask that you accept my apology, for I apparently misunderstood what you were seeking. Otherwise, I believe that I did you a service in sharing with you information that you may have not known to think or ask about, or may have been too embarrassed to request in such detail.

It is obvious that you have good friends, that care deeply for you, concerned for your well-being and feelings, and when it comes down to it, this is perhaps your greatest birthday gift, however I think that their intentions to protect you from the diseased, wretched girl that I am, are misplaced, in this case.

Sincerely,

-Fleeing Bellocq