Right now I am so scared of people thinking I am needy or manipulative that I cover up as best I can and am terrified that ppl still "know" how messed up I am.

This is the only site now I can open up. I belong to others, but I stopped talking (writing) as well. I stopped sharing at meetings/groups. I am starting to stop talking to my roommate.

The only ones I trust now face to face are Ani (mentor) and Andy, my former bf, who agreed to just be friends.

Everywhere else, I am scared to death of being criticized for being "needy" or "messed up" or "immature" or "manipulative".

I still don't cry much (even right after the death of my aunt!) because even at home I am scared Bruce is going to hear me and think I am "trying to get attention".

D*mm*t!

I never know what's the bpd and what's normal human stuff anymore.

The only reason I can even live with myself today is because of Ani's love and support and all the wonderful information I found online.

It is lonely, very lonely. Before my diagnosis, I was more sure of myself. And before Bruce began to convince me that I was an "attention seeking female".

Carol