take care Melstar!!!!I could only write this much about your life from your posts,hence may be my comments are limited to what I know;If you want ,we can share all the sad things in here.That will help you!!!!
Another thing,do not have the feeling taht the son will not want you and just do not walk on egg-sheels as to how you should behave with the child;you are the mother,just have quality time whenever with him,he is just a child,he cannot 'NOT WANT ' you;never;
Keeping this in mind,take care of the OTHER CHILD who is there with yiu always'that being you YOURSELF;Once the "SELF 'child is ghappy again,you will take very good care of your baby boy;
We pray to GOD,but God wont come in person;he has his other means to answer our prayers;You have to to be strong and help yourself;and that will be God's will and love for you;