My Grandmother had pancreatic cancer, which was also terminal. Your story touches me and makes me a bit sad, because I was also 19, and watching her deteriorate. I also cared for her when I could, I was pregnant and already had a 1 year old...it was tough. It's a difficult situation, it's kind of like walking on a cloud in a dream, unreal almost. Reality don't completely set in till the day.

You have to do what you have to. You are an awesome young man...(I know I'm only a year older, just bear with me), but your doing the right thing. Your Grandmother probably appreciates and values everything you are doing for her in her time of need....that's truly heroic.

You have to make sure and take a night for you though. Forget woke, put Grandma aside, and take a few hours to think about yourself, have a few drinks, hang out with some friends...you know. That way this does not become overwhelming.

Eh, I know your pain to the T....I seriously do, and it's hard, very hard. But if I was able to get through it, I know you can too.

I'd also do some fun stuff with Grandma, whatever you can get her to do without wearing her out.......that way you don't feel guilty for anything.

When I look back I feel guilty for small things like not being able to take her anywhere she wanted....if I could turn back time I would have.

I hope you are feeling better today. Please take a breather, and let me know if you need anything.