You made one point that tells me I am healing. I can be mad at those who hurt me and I do try to maintain that what they did was wrong. It gets frustrating at time to maintain this because it would be easier to allow that kind of behavior to be appropriate as it was for so many years. You can mix it up in your head because it was so ingrained for years to be okay to change that in one day isn't easy. You can say you are healing because of the feelings you had at the end are anger. You were shutting it off once again the minute they began. You have a right to be angry. When the time is right you can be assertive in maintaining the idea that you have a right to be angry, it won't mean you act on the anger just admit it. Here is a story that may inspire you to know, I have a friend from China. When she was a child she was badly beaten and molested by individuals she didn't even know. She now lives in the United States and is married to a man and has two kids. Though there is one visual reminder of her trama she lives with everyday. She is crippled. She doesn't say exactly what happened but she walks with wrist crutches. Her legs were badly hurt from the abuse she sustained. She is stronger than I could ever be because she has gone on and learned to live again. The conversation ends after she tells them the injuries were during her time as a child from abuse. I can't ask her more but I am glad she has a family that loves her now.