The day after seeing the PCP doctor, I saw my psychiatrist. He said that he expected it would take months to a year for me to be weaned off of Temazempam, my sleep med. (I take 30mg.) So he recommended I ask my regular doctor for Tramadol. Maybe for me that would help. IDK - never tried it. Well, I called my regular doctor, but he had just left for 2 weeks or being away. So I've just continued to take the Sleep med. I waited 10 days before even filling the prescription for Vicodin. Then I did fill it. I've taken 3 tablets over the past week.

Today I got a call from my PCP doctor's assistant. She said the doctor was back and got the message I left about what the pdoc said. She told me he says that I should not take any Vicodin, until I am completely off the Temazepam. I don't know how much of this he is required by law to do, or what is his honest judgement.

My house had gotten messy. Tonight, after taking a Vicodin, I was able to pick up the place. I am very inhibited from doing a lot of things by the constant nagging achiness of my neck.

I understand that throwing alcohol into the mix could just add to my miseries. Thank you, xara_beth, for mentioning about the dopamine. I will read more about that. I do get influenced by good information. (Well, sometimes, at least.) There really was no need for me to be put on increasing doses of benzos. I didn't ask for them. It was their idea.

Thank you, perseverance, I appreciate the support. I do have to think about long term effects. That is hard for me to care about when I am depressed.

Thank you,Lee, I found in the past that alcohol didn't help when I was experiencing withdrawal from a benzodiazepine. I was only taking 20 mg of Librium, but I was used to that every eve. 10 days after running out of the med, I came down with what I call the "hee-bee-jee-bees." I would have been suicidal, if I did not go back on the med. It was like bugs running around inside my legs and arms and intense restlessness. I think I might be prone to hard withdrawal, which I think is why my pdoc wants to take me off the Temazepam slower. I guess the word to remember with alcohol is "insidious." I've had so many relatives who got over-involved with alcohol.

Thanks, tokiwartooth, you have been through a lot. I don't believe I'ld be strong enough to come out of that. I'm glad you did call AA. I hope you continue to recover. I honestly think the lure of pain killers can be stronger than the appeal of anything else. Well, obviously, there are differences among individuals, in what holds the most appeal. But I am very afraid of pain. My neck is not what I would call severely painful. Basically, I don't do anything that I know sets it off. In the past year and a half, I've gotten progressively more willing to just stay in my recliner and watch TV.

I know that lots of people with a lot more pain that I've experienced get up every day and do all kinds of things. For me, pain is intensely demoralizing. I just lose any interest in doing anything that is causing me to feel bad. The Vicodin allows me to feel "normal." That seems to be my biggest issue. I am having trouble accepting that, with age, comes aches and pains, and I will never feel like I used to when I was younger.

There is a lot of unhappiness in my life. I think that is making this harder to accept. I get in despair, thinking that all life holds for me, down the road, is increasing pain.

I am very afraid of getting over-involved with Vicodin. Today, after the doctor told me not to use the Vicodin, the first thing I thought of was that I better make sure I keep beer and wine around. Maybe the doctors could have handled this better. I think the laws are changing, and they are scrambling to be in compliance.