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Originally Posted by xara_beth
John and Cherry- congrats. Hopefully I'll have the strength (or whatever it takes) to stay off drugs as long as you have and not think about them all the time. The guinea pig feeling sounds familiar, except overdiagnosing probably has more to do with ego stroking and medication endorsements than anything else. John, how's not taking meds and staying off dope going? I know if I weren't on the meds right now, I would be thinking about D all the time...
As to what motivated me to quit. It had nothing to do with death, really. I think death is really the least of the problems that come with being an addict. I just didn't want to live the life of a junkie, because that seems a lot worse than death to me. I'd rather make the most of my time here on earth instead of spending it getting sick, doing the daily grind, scoring, getting high, and getting sick again. Yuck. You?
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Beth, you are doing really good and you should be proud of yourself. If your goal is to stay off drugs forever, you can do it. Everyone says to take one day at a time, so just deal with each day as it comes or do whatever works for you.
Not taking medication is incredible for me. I don't think about D anymore or anything I used to obsess over. In my case, the medication more than likely caused me to be bipolar, have OCD, and all the other things I was diagnosed with. In fact, I saw my doctor today and he is blown away by the results of me not being on medication - and he is in complete awe of the difference in me. He, in a way, admitted that somewhere a mistake was made by medicating me (of course I can't blame him because he is the last doc and there were 6 others prior to him). At this point, it is what it is and I am just going to keep going forward.
As to why I quit D: I hated the selfish animal I turned into, hated working so hard to lose it all, hated the fact that I destroyed practically every relationship I ever had, and really hated running the gauntlet all the time. There are a ton of other reasons, but all the reasons would turn this into a novel.