Thanks, everyone! My new nurse was very laid back and did mention something about not absolutely needing to have my old records, but also mentioned we could get them, so I'm unsure as to what happened. I had to fill out so many forms that I don't remember if I signed them. My memory gets fuzzy when I'm a nervous wreck, which has been the case pretty much 24/7 for the last year.

I am going to call my old n/p's office tomorrow and ask if a request came through. If it did, I'm going to tell them not to send them. There is an additional complication that just dawned on me tonight and has me very worried - my new n/p is a co-worker of my mom's. I told my old n/p plenty about my family because throughout the seven years I went to her, I had my share of issues. I can't have the new person knowing that.

I know the new lady is bound by HIPAA not to say anything, but she could still privately form a different opinion of my mother and that worries me. Much of it would be undeserving and unfair because I had times when I was just angry at everyone.

Unfortunately, I cannot get my own records because under HIPAA, you're allowed the charts, but not their personal notes, and of course she mixed the personal notes in with the charts, so you can't get a copy.

I feel like everything will be ruined if those records were sent. The new n/p will have all of these ridiculous theories and crap sitting in front of her and who knows what she'll believe? She was incredibly professional and kind and I'd like to think she would take my word for things, but I don't know. I could tell you guys a few stories, but it would make this an even more long-winded post.

Oh, and there's the benzo issue. I really wish I could ditch them once and for all because they give you a bad reputation. My old n/p was so conservative that she would barely change any part of my treatment plan despite me pathetically floundering this year. She had me on Klonopin which was decent enough for keeping some of the GAD in check but was useless for panic. I had a panic attack again about a month ago and was petrified they were returning, so I made the colossal error of asking the old n/p for Ativan instead. I had done this in the past because sometimes I would have more severe anxiety that was better helped by Ativan and she never had much of a problem occasionally changing me over. This time, however, she did and told me I was heading down a "slippery slope." I still don't understand why. I have never doctor shopped for them, have never once called her office for more between appointments, have always used one pharmacy and only take them as directed or as needed. So how is it a slippery slope? I tried to ask her why and she shut me right down.

She changed a lot in this past year which was why I sought out someone new and I'm glad I did, but man, she has seven year's worth of personal notes that could say absolutely anything. I figured she has spent perhaps a total of 30 hours with me in the time I've seen her and yet she acts as if she knows me so well and exactly what is going on in my brain. How could she even begin to understand?