Thank you So much for your reply. Alot of good information I will consider & possibly act on as it is important. The fact is I am deeply in love w/him. I was single for 5 yrs after my Son was born....yet not desperate & chose wisely.He as I mentioned, didn't come out & tell me. He was everything I was looking & hoping for. It wasn't until mid summer hit this year things went south...were talking the depths of south. It's been a daily task of getting him on the right path & he is willing.Willingness vs action w/him do not balance out however. He is very anti social, his thoughts he has to "report" all the time. Like today- right before his much needed therapy session, he had to tell me....he has thoughts of other women, he's moved out twice already (yes, we live together) and has wanted to be single.He then went on to say it was his ocd & his irrational thoughts, that he is very much in love....So to add to this already egg shells under my feet experience all my devotion,loyalty & pain...amidst the joys...came to head on rictor scale 110 today! I am exhausted. Luckily, the psychologist told him his behaviors are intolerable for everyone involved & asked him if he's willing to try new meds.He agreed, and here we are...he's been sleeping all night and unavailable as he often times is. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel... our whole world seems to have crumbled! I can only wait...it seems yrs of that are taking a toll . I am very socail,active,hard working,a dancer,musician,avid hiker,volunteer...spontanious, humble & give my all to those I love. Even that is fading...feelings of inadiquecy & instablity.... I actually had an anxiety attack today & thats not me... I desire us/him to heal...I just don't know if its possible. I have to focus on me & my well being & the best for my Son. He is so precious! Thanks for listening...this is my first attempt at blogging or whichever...so bare w/me. ☼