For a long time I had two emotional settings so to speak - neutral (no feelings) everything was ok just ok., or float in my tunnel and la la land.

When I was floating in the tunnel or la la land others around me saw me expressing all kinds of emotions because my brain would replay a matching piece of memory to whatever was going on. for Example if what made me float was someone yelling at me my brain would replay a memory piece that contained the information of other situations where I had gotten yelled at and or the memory piece that contained the feeling that I had right before floating - anger or crying or any other number of emotions that were separated and stored at my unconscious level of thinking.

It wasnt until I was working in therapy like working with pat Joan and others all the way up to SKR that I was able to express some feelings while remaining aware.

With SKR the way we did it was

1. my letting her know during our conversations when I was starting to feel the far away floaty feeling.

2. she would ask me questions about the topic and the flashback - piece of memory that was replaying, while I had to hold myself from floating into la la land by staying where I could see and hear SKR. (co consciousness)

3. As we did this the normal brain function of moving my memories from the unconscious level of thinking to the conscious level of thinking (integration) happened.

Now I can express myself and some of my emotions in real life and on line.

Before co consciousness and integration of some of my memories and emotions in therapy with Joan, SKR and so on I could not express actually feeling of emotions.

for me it was because all my emotions had been separated and stored at my unconscious level of thinking to be acted out when triggered (DID).

Because they were in my unconscious level of thinking I had no idea of what those separated memories and emotions were so I could not express those separated feelings, emotions no matter what medium I used. In fact I failed many high school and college english comp classes because my writing had no emotional connections..."I went to the store. on the way I saw some birds. At the store I bought a dozen eggs"

It wasn't until after I started working in therapy that I was able to recognize what emotions were for example Joan taught me how to keep a feelings journal. and eventually could write things like- It was a beautiful day out today. The sun was shining and felt so warm on my face as I walked to the store. Along the way I saw some birds. They made me laugh because one was so funny hopping around on one leg carrying a worm as long as he was...."

Even though I can now express some of my feelings while remaining aware I still prefer the writing. It isn't because Im uncomfortable saying things, because I can write the same things that I can say and vice versa I cant write the same things that I can't talk about. its just that in writing I can take my time and do rewrites where as talking once the words are out they are out

No I don't think that using writing and drawing as a teen gets adults stuck in not being able to express themselves.

I took a public speaking class in college and was told it was quite the opposite. those that can express themselves in writing and drawing already know what works for then in the process of how to express themselves. Those people make the best public speakers because they already know how to brainstorm and organize their thoughts so they can cover more ground in shorter amounts of time.

As you go through the co consciousness and integration process with each of your separated pieces of memories you will be able to express yourself more and more.

hang in there.