I have always been quite creative, whether it be painting, making things, usually creating with my hands, and I have written a bit, but writing has never been big with me. Medication killed creativity largely for me. It did not kill the ideas or thoughts, but it did kill the "do".

I also find whenever I paint it brings depression forth, so I do avoid doing it, as I do not find enjoyment in depression. Making things, tho anything... does not bring about depression, it brings about mania. Which can also be extremely uncomfortable for me. I have never been one to be manic for short periods, usually lasts months, so try to avoid that also.

I even noticed that when I actively think about scientific ideas a lot I also trigger some mania, and depression, maybe more like mixed.

So question is does anyone else notice this in themselves? I always see the idea put forth that madness sparks creativity. No one talks about creativity sparking the madness.

So I am just avoiding creative process so that I can avoid the extreme moods, but is this any way to live? How would you get passed this? I still do stuff here and there, I still think, and still have creativity going on in the brain, but I no longer allow myself to have outlets for this very often anymore. It does bother me, and I wish I knew how to have one without the other. I thought when I stopped meds I could maybe get back to doing, but it's not happening. I feel pretty frustrated about this in particular.