thanks george h
i know nobody can say it is for the best or not. i guess i have come here recently just to vent. i used to be a member of another forum when i suffered bad depression and it helped me a lot to just send stuff out there on the seas. i guess back then i was quite alone in life and it was all i had. it isn't quite like that now, but there are similarities. the truth is i have not felt this broken down and knackered out since way back then. but back then i had the luxury of falling apart and it only affecting me. i can't do that now - i won't do that now. hmm maybes i will take a wander over to the forum you suggested. thanks again for your well wishes and kind response. it means a lot that even one person heard me : )
x