I have been in that same place countless times, shattered, and was about a month ago. I get to the point where I do everything I know to do for my mental health--take my meds, go to T, see my drs--and nothing will change. I'll think, why am I doing all this? To just take up space?

I've had the wanting-to-die-but-not as well. Just wanting the ick, the blackness, the nothingness, to disappear.

Even though at this stage in the game my meds are working pretty well, etc., I still don't have a f*cking clue what I want to do with my life, goals, etc. I'm not talking about marriage or family, but more like, um....what kind of job could I handle doing at this point? Will I ever be able to work fulltime again, or is my particular wiring not built for such a regimen? I get little chirps from ppl in my life about getting a "normal" job eventually, but I'm not sure it's for me. I feel somewhat better, but I still can't drive more than a mile. So i'm in this weird-a*s limbo. Just kinda...hangin around, bobbin my head.

Sorry, prob none of this helped you. I just wanted you to know I fully empathize.