I can relate. I do all the work, keep safe, take my Rx, see my doctor(s), but I have absolutely no plans / goals / dreams any longer. In the past, every single one of my wishes/hopes/goals/plans/dreams ended in complete chaos and/or trauma.

I have gotten to the point to where my life is completely predictable and routine: and with very minimal drama. But that also means my life is lacking passion and excitement. Which right now I am happy about because I am still at the point to where if I feel in the least bit happy, it turns into major anxiety.

Just this morning, I received the worst work-related emails on my Bberry. I was stunned, angry and then crushed. At first, I wanted to just throw a major fit, write nasty email responses and turn the car around and go home and never go back to the office. I also had SI But I made myself come in.

I am not proud of the way I am managing things, but I showed up, and I still have a job. I am not faking my feelings, though. I am in a horrible mood, and I want to yell at the BODs of our firm and tell them they are ridiculous! But I am managing to stay quiet. And I saved my nasty email in a draft. I guess you could call what I am doing "stewing" and trying to distract myself.

I don't know the answers or even if it will get better on the whole. I know there will be ups and downs (like today). As far as the big picture, I don't know. I am just still working very hard on improving myself and getting better. I think that is all we can ask of ourselves, Sweetie.

I wanted you to know that you are not alone