I quit cutting about...6 years ago. I've made a few cuts over the years, but nothing serious and never more than once a year, if even. Now I pick, but it took my brain a while to accept that as a form of SI. I stopped cutting because my then boyfriend (now husband) made me. He said he'd leave and I really hated the way he would look at me when I did. I don't know I'm people pleaser. I'm always doing things because other people tell me to and rarely because I want to do them. I hate making decisions for myself.

Anyways, I swear I'm getting to the point, lol.

One of my coworkers (who's sort of kind of a friend too) told me she started cutting. Just out of the blue. She said she wanted to tell me so I didn't hear it from someone else. Okay? I guess that makes sense, but I really couldn't deal with it. I stopped talking to her because I KNOW I can't handle trying to help someone I know (in person anyways) with something like that. It's too triggering. But since then she's told everyone about it and shows everyone at work her cuts. It just screams attention wh***. I don't know, but the messed up thing is that I'm extremely JEALOUS! I want to cut and just thinking about her makes me want to cut. All I can remember is how amazing it was. I can't remember any of the bad stuff. I'm still picking, but it's not the same and the scars are just gross. I miss my "real" scars....

Is this messed up or what?