Lin-Lin - Sometimes people who were abused as children feel like it was their fault, that they were bad. If that's not resolved, perhaps the need to be punished carried into your adulthood? Maybe the spanking is related to that need to be punished for being "bad".

I'm thinking that your friend consciously or unconsciously has tapped into this. He's got his own issues as to why he enjoys spanking adult women. Now, I'm not going to judge that behavior as right or wrong for the mentally healthy adult. To each his own, as my mom would say.

But, in your case, with your history, at this point in your life....in my never humble opinion, I don't think it's healthy for you. And I think you agree, which is why you posted. Perhaps it's time for a heart to heart with your friend? Explain that his actions are not healthy for you and they need to stop. If he really is a friend, he will stop.

Have you been able to resolve the issues with your female therapist? Are you able to talk to her now? Or have you been able to change therapist?

Take care. Please keep posting.

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama