Quote:
Originally Posted by wiltedrose2394
Thanks for the advice you guys. I was really glad to see that someone finally took this issue seriously  It seems that, no matter where I turn, nobody understands that she really hurt me. Like I said, she was really crafty, and her timing was impeccable; she very rarely got caught doing this stuff. There was never any evidence; she was careful to leave minimal bruising.
I don't really have a choice when it comes to seeing her, to a degree. My nephew is only 2 years old, and I love him so much. If I want to see him, I have to find out a way to put up with her crap.
I have really, REALLY tried to distance myself. But like I said, whenever I do, she acts clueless and like she's all hurt that I'm avoiding her. I know she isn't really hurt....... but she is always talking about how she wants her son to have an auntie, and that she doesn't understand why I'm holding a grudge. I don't know if someone can actually be that clueless as to how their behavior has hurt someone, or if she's just being a douche.
I am so lost right now. What if I'm exaggerating the whole thing? I mean, I know I'm not fabricating anything here; but what if my sister only thought of them as fights and really doesn't know why I am upset with her? Does that seem possible? Sometimes, I doubt myself to the extent that I really do believe that I got what I deserved. I know a lot of people on PC say that abuse is never your fault, but nobody in my everyday life ever tells me that. (Then again, I don't like to talk about it, so nobody really knows how much it bothers me. But still, I don't think I have ever actually had somebody tell me (I mean face-to-face)-not even one single time- that the things I have dealt with weren't my fault.)
Maybe that's what's really bothering me. |
most abusers even young ones know not to leave too many bruises.
I have had discussions with my brother growing up and I dont think he wants to admit to himself that he was in the wrong. It is easier for them to put it behind them as they were the ones who did the damage.
If people don't know exactly what she was like how can they reassure you it wasn't your fault? Like I said before, if you saw a kid being treated like you were by your sister would you blame them? It is easy to doubt yourself, but to look at a child and blame them for being beaten and verbally abused is much harder and that is when the logical comes in.
I had trouble with this myself and still do to an extent. It was only a few months ago my ex t got me to see. She asked me if I had read the Dave Pelzer books, I had a copy but had never read it. So I read it before the next session and told her I had done so. She asked me if I thought Dave was to blame or deserved what his mother did to him? (my mother was a lot like Dave's mother, they could have been best buds, although my mother was smarter). I said no. She said, so how can you blame yourself, or think that you deserved it? Some logic you just can't argue with. I tried. I said but, a lot and had nothing to back it up, if I was going to say anything it means I thought the same about Dave.
The way you dealt with it at the time was to blame yourself, I think my ex t called it a core belief which is hard to tackle. You have to really challenge them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wiltedrose2394
Well..... she didn't exactly "beat me to a pulp". Not that I'm disagreeing with or minimizing what happened, but- while she did hurt me and attack me quick a bit- I didn't end up with serious physical injuries. I just wanted to correct that if it came off that she, like, crippled me something. While her "beating the s**t outta me" did entail quite a bit a punching/slapping/hitting, she was usually in such a blind fury that she didn't do much damage. (Well, at least there was one area that her bad temper came in handy- the angrier she got, the more she attacked me; but the angrier she got, the less physical damage she did.)
Of course, that says nothing for the emotional wounds.... cuz like I said, when she was angry, she looked like the doll from the "Chukie" movies (like, she was enjoying attacking me even though she was totally losing it).
Anyway, I know that this doesn't excuse the violence at all.... but I can count my lucky stars that she didn't do permanent physical damage (i.e.- knocking out my teeth. There were probably a few times where I could have lost some teeth had I not jerked my head outta the way). I don't know if you guys have ever seen someone in an intense "blind fury". She would quite literally " go blind"- that is, she would have her eyes closed and just randomly swinging half the time. I know that when she was looking, she actually strategically made a point of hitting me in places that would stay covered up by clothing (i.e.- the stomach).
But hey, the bright side? I generally only got minor wounds (with the exception of the time she chased me across the floor with a high-heeled shoe; like those big clunky ones that were popular in the late 90's.... yeah, she chased me, I ran into my bedroom and was ducking to crawl into my closet- but I slipped on the rug and broke through the drywall. I am actually really fortunate that the walls were so well insulated; otherwise, I would have completely knocked out the exterior wall of the second floor, and fell onto the neighbors driveway below. I messed up my back and my wrist that time.)
But oh well, at least now I know that I'm not being overly-dramatic.  Thanks again, you guys! |
Apart from the broken nose from my brother and some broken ribs from my mother and re broken by my stepdad, and the burn marks on my arms, I didn't have any other serious injuries, yet my mother beat the crap out of me and was really smart about it. It doesn't make it any less. And yes my mother did beat me in blind fury on occasion but being an adult she did more damage, however I learnt to curl in a ball to protect my head and stomach so most of the hits were taken by my arms and legs.
So just because you didn't have serious injuries doesn't mean she didn't really hurt you physically.
You are not being overly dramatic, she was cruel, but like I said, I doubt she will ever fully realise herself how much she hurt you and that it is not just a grudge, it takes time to heal once you realise just how much it has affected you.
Hang in there
You are not alone, you didn't deserve it, and you are very brave discussing it.
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THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL... JUST DIFFERENT LEVELS OF MESSED UP!
