I know the top of the page says no suicidal posts, so I'll try my damnedest to respect that rule...

So a lot has happened in my life since I was last here on this forum. Where do I start...for one, I was forced into being roommates with my ex-girlfriend...AGAIN. She went behind my back and signed us up to be roommates. Secondly, my boyfriend and I started having problems that all started one night when he got incredibly defensive over somebody asking him if he was cheating on me. After two weeks, he finally dumped me because he felt that we didn't "get" each other and he was sick of hearing about me talk about my problems. From that point on, my ex-girlfriend, who openly hated him, started making up things about him that I KNEW were not true just to hurt me and control me. Obviously heartbroken over him, I vowed that I would be the better person out of the ordeal and better myself for myself and that he wasn't worthy of getting to know the real me if he wasn't even willing to try.

I suppose he was quite angered by that statement because from that point on, he would yell at me EVERY SINGLE DAY at least once about how I'm pathetic, how I follow crowds, how I'm not my own person, how I'm a liar, yadda yadda. One night, I turned him down for a ride to a party. He was FURIOUS. He ended up somehow getting a hold of some liquor, anyway. I was drinking with friends at his dorm building as well, and I was a little tipsy. I eventually went up to his room, only to find him completely drunk. He kissed me, and ended up trying to get me to have sex with him. After I rejected his offer, he got very defensive and told me to leave and return to my other "lovers" (aka, my friends that he was jealous over). After that, he kept drunk texting me over and over again about how horny he was and how everybody hated him, yadda yadda. Me, now drunk and depressed/angry, I apparently showed everybody the texts he sent while openly complaining about him constantly.

The next day, after emotionally assaulting me YET AGAIN, he started going on about how I'm a lying ***** who broke his trust (apparently, somebody told him about my reactions to his drunk texting). I've fought with suicidal thoughts for YEARS. Things that wouldn't effect others as badly did TERRIBLE things to my self-esteem. I finally just lost it at the point where he was yelling at me. I grabbed a bottle of aspirin and locked myself in the bathroom, chugging half the bottle. He got scared and called my mother and my best friend to take me to a hospital.

Few days later, I was admitted into the crisis center for three days. I got prescribed medication for major depression and anxiety and while I haven't been taking it long, I feel like I'm getting much worse. I'm falling behind in work and class (even was a little while before my suicide attempt). I've been staying with my family who, while I love them to death, are starting to drive me crazy. My dad is too preoccupied in shoving his anti-liberal beliefs down our throats, and my mom is too preoccupied in shoving vegetarianism down our throats. My sleep has been VERY disturbed lately; I either don't sleep, or when I do sleep, I have incredibly horrible, terrifying dreams. Everything I own is breaking. I can't find a real job. I'm lacking in money. I have no desire to talk to any of my friends. I have no motivation to take care of myself. After packing my stuff and moving out of my room, my ex-girlfriend AND ex-boyfriend have both been trying to get me to do favors for them. And, last but not least, I just found out that, after only being broken up for a month, my ex has already found himself another woman.

I don't know what to do...everyone keeps telling me that things will get better...but I don't think they will. I've tried finding things to occupy my time, but I have no desire to do anything. I'm going to keep trying to see if the medications will start working, but I do not want to be totally dependent on pills. What do you guys think of this?

Any feedback will be much appreciated...