You're not crazy, you didnt kill your mother, and you're not manipulative!!!! Dhx, I love you my friend,you're GREAT, you should love you too,especially at times like these... Screw other people, they dont know s.h.i.t, talk to us,we're here, and we care. I hope you get to a doc soon, in the interim, try expelling that rage with something physical. Running and cleaning usually gives me some relief...sending you soothing calming s across the ocean