I don't know Didgee. It's not really up to me sometimes. That's what I mean by "I still have to go". I haven't been in one since May. But I freak out way ahead of time and try to look for signs of impending hospitalizations, because I don't like them so much.

But the facts are is that my last hospitalization was not my choice. The hospitalization before that was not my choice. The one before that was against my wishes so was the one before that. I fight and manipulate, but my illness gets to the point where I just can't keep myself safe and people do what they have to do. And it's a little bit of over reacting also. Like this last time in May, my team leader wanted me kept longer, but both psychiatrists said I was fine to go. She threw a fit, told them she would file a complaint. It's usually her that's hospitalizing me. But I'm done with her. She's not on my case anymore. So maybe my new caseworkers will give me more of a choice.

I have DID, so she was always under the impression that I had no idea what was good for me, because I didn't know what my parts were capable of and she did.