I haven't been able to pay my 30% that's due in taxes every quarter or even every year. I got a letter from the IRS a few months ago saying that if I didn't file my 2004 and 2005 returns, they would consider taking legal action. I filed 2005 taxes and called about 2004. They asked if I could file them within 45 days. I said yes. The 45 days have come and gone and I haven't filed. I got two certified letter notices today from the IRS. The mailmain didn't knock loud enough for me to hear. I have to go to the post office to pick them up now. On Saturday, I got a letter saying they wanted $1000+ for part of the 2005 taxes that I couldn't pay when I filed. I'm in debt to the IRS to the tune of $15,000, closer to $20,000. I have no idea where I'm going to come up with the money. I'm on a $150 payment plan every month for my back taxes. That's all I can pay. Every penny that comes in goes right back out in bills and basic living expenses. I can't pay 5% in taxes, let alone 30%.

I can't believe I got myself so messed up in debt. Every time I try to lower my expenses by consolidating some bills or bundling services, they end up going up in price instead of down, despite being CONVINCED by customer service reps that they WILL be less. I switched my cable TV and Internet a couple of weeks ago because I was told repeatedly upon questioning that my bill would drop from $115 a month to $80. I got the bill today. It's still $115. I call the company. It turns out I was misinformed and that it would have only been $80 if I'd deleted some of my TV services, even though I asked several times "does this include my current TV service with no changes?"

I can't believe I'm such a f**k up. I don't have any money to give to the IRS. My mom had this problem one time when she owned her own business and the IRS went in to her bank account and completely wiped it clean to cover part of the amount due. I can't have that happen to me. I can't.

I'm so scared to read what these letters say. I know it's not going to be good since every other letter I've received has just been sent through the regular mail and not certified.

I'm starting to think stupid thoughts and I don't have anyone to call, no one to help me, no one to give me a loan even if I could afford another monthly bill. I just want to disappear.