I would be calling into work. I would be on my fourth or fifth beer already. I would be calling up friends who I used to drink with. Life would feel new, possibilities endless. I would be helping out those drinking buddies with projects that we prolly never should have started. Life would be fun.

I am craving that right now! I am craving that feeling of new, of possibilities. of FUN. I don't ever have any fun anymore. it's always work and responsibilities and managing my moods and taking my meds and getting enough sleep. everytime I try to have fun someone asks if I am hypo or not.

I want everything that I can not have right now. I'm ready to rebel.. the one thing I exel at anymore! But I don't want the consequences. I don't want to think that I will screw up the meds that are working for me. I don't want the fighting with my wife over it. she is black and white... no grey. I want grey!

Ugh.