zh---haven't been here very much lately and have just caught up to your thread.
i hear your struggle. almost deafeningly loud to me as i have been struggling with things that I hear echoed in your posts.
I am glad for you having a dog to help assist you. I have had to retire my service dog and do miss being able to take him with me though he is still helpful at home.

It is my hope that you will not be in this place long. You are brave and courageous and strong and will get through.
Listening and here.
w_i