I am seeing my therapist tommorow night so i will discuss it then.

To be honest, i dont know if i can handle the aftermath. some days i feel strong, and i do believe i am strong, but i cannot put my dad through it, not now, not with his current drinking habits.

i feel guilty already about things and i feel responsible to end all this, but i cant. maybe im not as strong as i like to think i am. i just dont know anymore.

i feel down again tonight. i really dont know whats causing these mood swings, but i seem down more than up lately. i am finding it hard to cope to tell you the truth.

my dads still drinking too, hes quite drunk at the moment, i just heard him open another can. ive got pain all around me right now and i just dont want it anymore.i feel run down and ive got absolutely no friends to turn to, and nowhere to go for a break. i cant tell you how lonely i am. i wish things could change.

look, im sorry for moaning all the time. you probably think im over reacting about everything, maybe i am, i dont know.

i feel sick at the moment, and ive got a headache. ive tried to eat today but i cant seem to gather the enthusuasm to eat. but i am forcing it down me because i know ive got to eat. just finding it all so hard to digest.

thanks for listening to me guys. i dont know where id be without you. i am so grateful to each and every one of you that has been helping me.

bye for now