</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
white_iris said:
zh---haven't been here very much lately and have just caught up to your thread.
i hear your struggle. almost deafeningly loud to me as i have been struggling with things that I hear echoed in your posts.
I am glad for you having a dog to help assist you. I have had to retire my service dog and do miss being able to take him with me though he is still helpful at home.

It is my hope that you will not be in this place long. You are brave and courageous and strong and will get through.
Listening and here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> we're glad that your pooch is helpful at home but what a shift out in the world it must be w/o a service animal

there are so many things that are now a week overdue (bills, banking, post, life, etc.) and our tuchus remains seated, nay, glued here in front of the computer. the dog is ready to go in an instant...........the dog cannot safely operate the car unfortuately......scowls at the stuck-ed-ness feeling to all this.

changes large and small can wreak havoc in our lives. both the positive changes and the not so positive ones. takes time to adapt. takes even more time to learn how to adapt in a healther manner than the fragmented pieces that our lives and memories are now. we're trying. we're not giving up. we're tired and so freaking' sick to death of the head trip our own mind gives us about this. it is as if only *I* could put *my* disbelief and *my* denial on hold and get on with things......if only....

getting into the 'if onlys' and 'what ifs' and wandering around wondering those things just keeps us from moving forward. that's us though....we're unique and strange in many ways......but also comforted to find out when we share some things with others as that alleviates the painful lonliness that can accompany this disorder. dbl edged sword.....glad to know others understand but also devestated that others have lived through what it takes to understand too well.

how funny (odd not haha) that we often can so clearly see strength and courage in others yet fight to the ends of the earth to deny those very qualities in ourself/ves. thank you for the reminders that others can see what we often refuse to acknowledge in ourself/ves.

got a proposal for you w_i.......how about we each try to get out (no time limits) and go for a solo ice cream cone? we know how hard that might be for you and the reasons why......we have our own for why it is difficult on this end. but why not try? the upsides? ice cream!!! and the confidence that we're able to do more than we give ourselves credit for. what say ya, w_i?