I am sick of being me. I hate the way i look. I lost 40 lbs and im at a weight of 220lbs. Im still a big fat PIG. I have started purging again and broke my 3 month streak. I seriously dont deserve to eat and if i do i deserve to purge it back up cause im too fat for food. I got enough fat on me to last me for years. I want to weigh 100lbs. im 5ft 3 so its not a bad weight. I also want to have a totally different face cause frankly mine is so ugly it shatters mirrors. Who would honestly want me? WHO? who would hang out with a fatty like me when you have a skinny beautiful W**** 4 blocks down the road.

funny thing is a month ago i did not see a ugly fat girl. I saw a 220lb girl with beautiful eyes and hair. Now i see is a cow with cloths on.

sorry for the rant im just emotional now. I just got off a very long manic high. And i know im crashing and i have not hit the bottom yet so im going to do anything in my power to stop it. I am not going to SI but purging i will do. I hate this life i have.