Sometimes chronically depressed persons can have psychotic features as well as low mood. At one time, I was told by a doctor that my bouts of intense, unbearable frustration and anger crossed over into the realm of a mental state that was psychotic. That is a hard thing to hear, but I was kind of glad to have my distress recognized. And it didn't lead to anyone putting a straitjacket on me. Psychotic features are more common than we tend to think.

Your symptoms should be reported to your doctor. Keeping them a secret will actually make it harder for you to cope. Also, medication can possibly reduce these symptoms. It's worth a try. After 12 years of struggling, it's time to be open with a doctor about what you experience. I hope you will do that.