So I went to session this week after T having been gone for a few weeks. As usual I felt the coldness in our relationship but I've been trying to stick it out because she's the only T I can afford right now.

She said she has an agenda for me to be comfortable in my own body. Thing is, that struck a bad chord with me because I feel that I should be the one setting goals for myself, but as usual I said nothing.

So we did this exercise where she asks me to not talk and notice my body etc, with silence in the background. I find this process incredibly triggering. Finally I just said I'm really not comfortable doing this. It takes guts for me to advocate for myself, esp when confronted by an unexpected situation.

Her response was not to stop, but to keep pushing this on me. We spent the rest of the session doing this. I felt so uncomfortable, triggered, and like the T was the perp. I couldn't really say anything, because I already had said stop, and her response was to continue (just like my perp did to me!). She said it would be therapeutic for me to relinquish control and push myself out of my comfort zone. I'd wanted to spend the session talking about upcoming events and past recent events that were traumatizing which I wanted help coping with. We spent 0 time on that. She said we must do this so we can get to EMDR faster. Is this actually true? Is this a standard exercise that all ppl doing EMDR must complete?

I'm not in much of a position to be picky since it's her or no one. I am afraid to say anything to her for fear she will kick me out. She's hinted I may have to look elsewhere if I don't like her approach, and also complained, numerous times, about me wanting to avoid situations in T that I find triggering. I am scared of her, upset, triggered, and also, disappointed that she did not share all this with me at the beginning. I feel like I've been taken for my money and time.

Can anyone offer some input? Am I overreacting? What should I do for my next session? I am afraid to go. I am allowed to email my T but she will not respond (her policy). Any ideas what I can write or say, or how to cope?