Quote:
Originally Posted by picklewheeze
Im havig a few friendship/relationship/boundary problems. Ive met a new girl (shes straight, i think. Im not) but yeah. Ive known her about a month now.and we have so much in common. Dont get me wrong were very different but weve been through some really similar stuff. Shes a very mothering type caring person, which i think is what im really feeding off (with the whole hunt for parental figure, wanting to be nurtured thing). The thing is i think im starting to get myself.in a bit too deep especially as im startig.to think ive got a bit off a crush on her and shes straight. So i dont know what to do. I cant and dont really want to cut all ties, but i couod cut some and try get some.space to.clear my head or should i just feed this (slight) obsession and.hope it passes?
Any advice? Anyone felt like this before?
Im actually starting to get a bit jealous over her now.. Getting a bit ridiculous.
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Hey pickle,
I can relate to this...I've had 'crushes' on straight women. It's tough...I do know that it will pass, however. (One thing we people with BPD do is idealize the person a LOT). This makes the obsession worse. IMO, it's futile and you know this, because she is straight. Despite conceptions (or perhaps hopes) a straight person is not going to 'turn'. Although we want to be that one person to turn the straight person gay, it is probably not going to happen, even if they're infatuated and confide in us that they were always 'curious' or 'interested', it is still a set up for disapointment. I've put myself out there in the past (foolishly) which only led to embarassment and the loss of a friendship.
My advice is to let it run its course, soon you will see that this person is fallible, and you may even be able to distinguish between true romantic/ sexual feelings and the need to be loved or nurtured. The latter is not the former...Are you sure it's a crush? Maybe it is idol worship, maybe it is wanting to keep the current relationship/friendship the exact way it is, or perhaps having her there to nurture and support you? Perhaps these feelings came about because you dont know how else to express this part of yourself and your needs? I know I, in the past, have had a hard time distinguishing feelings mainly because of my lack of ability to express myself, and to pinpoint what my TRUE needs really are...
So if it is in fact a crush...don't feed it ESPECIALLY if you are certain she is straight. This is the perfect set up for dissapointment, resentment, the destruction of a friendship etc.
If she is a lesbian or bisexual (and you *can* ask her) that's a different story all together. All I recommend is to keep yourself safe, and sometimes crushes just pass with the wind they came in on.
Either way, I know what the confusion is about, I've lived it.
Best wishes.
