well Dan....expect this might sound nuts but so what!....I kinda wish I was in some full flight bipolar right now just so I could express myself better somehow for your benefit trusting I could easily belt out some psychotic words that made ridiculous sense !! ...if that makes any sense ?

for sure for sure

....instead I gotta rely on some flatlined ******** wishy washy half baked under-effort....but at least there is compassion holding it all together.

last night I was driving home and experienced the briefest moment of 'feeling' unaffected...as best as I can describe what 'normal' I imagined felt like??

....and in this brief moment I calmly and definitely "hated" this illness with undeniable clarity. Gotta tell you it kinda ruined my moment yep

I hated that it could toss me around through such super-ordinary extremes and there was bugger all I could do about it...

the deep bipolar mechanisms continue to deny me true understanding because I am within and without it's hostile and friendly existence....

you are not alone brother



(oh and Dan...I left some instructions for posting pictures in my 'silly" thread...)