Hey Everybody !

I just felt like I wanna talk to someone and I couldn't find a better place.
I hate being a bipolar. Years ago I used to look at the mirror and be like 'Oh that girl would be having a brilliant, happy future ', but now I just look at it and say 'Oh I am a bipolar sooner or later I will get my depression episode and everything I will ever do will get screwed up'.
It's really hard to be on your own. I miss writing I wish I could be able to write again it used to be helpful. Nowadays whenever I start typing something or even hold a pen to write something, I just break down and start crying.
I miss how I used to be the sparkling star in everything. Now whenever I do something either people gets me all wrong or I end up screwing it up all.
A couple of days ago I thought about waking up early or sleeping really late so that I could make my dad an awesome breakfast and put a smile on his face. But it ended with me crying at night till the sun rise.
A week ago my exams were going on. I studied really hard on the hope of getting better marks, but because I am a bipolar during the exam every single thought was running through my mind and it caused me to get moderate marks. It made me depressed I just don't want to study anymore.
Today is supposed to be the Muslims festival known as 'Eid' in which I am supposed to be happy and to just enjoy everything. But I just started the day crying and I am sure it would end with me crying too.
I just wish that there would be someone who could appreciate and understand me.
I literally miss everything about my childhood