I've never understood what it meant but now I am afraid I need to learn and do so quickly.

I kept hearing about it but never had any clue as to what it is. I was always at the ready for sex. Any time. Always lubricated naturally. Just fine. One very small exception that only underscored the general rule: when I was pregnant with my second child and having a bit of a rough time with morning sickness in the first trimester, I did not want to have sex with my now ex second husband. I was too shy to tell him that and I felt that something deeply abnormal was going on with me, so I just tolerated sex which I did not want to. It was just for a few occasions and then the situation resolved itself. I told him about it many many years later and he was sorry that he essentially put me through non-consensual sex. Again, this was a minor exception.

With masturbation, same thing - always ready, whenever there was an opportunity. Nothing obsessive or at the expense of other productive activities, but just, well, any time. Especially at night. Every night, if I was alone. Or in the morning shower, every morning. I was always ready for it, without any special requirements.

Then two things happened: my second husband and I separated and I started to live alone and my then p-doc started me on Risperdal, an antipsychotic. Risperdal killed my sexuality 100%. I could not understand why kissing couples I saw in public transit were doing what they were doing. I basically became an asexual person. But I did not complain to p-docs. Then, I developed Parkinson-like features (I could barely walk) on Risperdal and got switched to another AP, Geodon. With Geodon, a bit of sexuality returned in the form of an occasional erotic dream featuring something from my past, perhaps every 3 months, but no more than that. Several years later, I started on a low dose of Prozac and immediately regained sexual drive, which is a paradoxical and lucky reaction to Prozac, but remained unorgasmic. By that time I was able to bring up the issue with the new p-doc. To make the long story short, he told me to taper off Geodon and at half the dose orgasms came back... in the form of masturbation for now, which is OK... but only for a few days. Now - no more and I am completely dry, no lubrication whatsoever. P-doc says that it might be anxiety and advised me to just keep taking the lower dose of Geodon and wait and see. I will - I will just not touch myself down there at all.

But I am thinking that what if it not the medication - what if I have changed as a person and now need to be "in the mood"? Can such a deep change happen to a person? If you need to be "in the mood", what does it entail specifically? Is it affinity to your partner, a special fantasy, a time in the lunar cycle? I am at my wit's end. Things used to be so simple, but not anymore...