Blue, you're blaming yourself, and you might wish to relax on that approach. Your
children are all individuals, and they're learning how to live, although they've had their share of mistakes that they've made.

You're doing all that can be expected: you're getting the older son into rehab and
insurance is going to cover that. That should stabilize your home situation. It
will give you some peace in the atmosphere and that is what you need, in my view.

Please try to understand that your children have chosen to do the things that they are doing and that you are not responsible for their adolescent growth difficulties.

You need rest and quiet around you to calm your emotions. Please don't feel guilty about trying to have it in your home; that's really the only way for your home to be safe and secure--which you deserve.

One of the most difficult things in life is for us to accept that we cannot be all things to all people and most especially to children who are desperate for inner freedom but can't see the way to it.

Believe me, they love you, and you're a very brave and conscientious person. I hope things will improve this time with rehabilitation for your son.

You might wish to consider turning him over to the courts for residence in a permanent institution if he cannot make it after this rehabilitation effort. You can't live with the risk of being harmed permanently by his efforts to medicate an illness with illegal drugs. Forgive me, but his reasoning capacity is limited during this period in his life.

Take care of yourself and know that you have my prayers for your safety and good health.

Gen

P.S. Thanks for your note several days ago. I tried to respond but think I might have
e-mailed myself! Ahh, well.