Gah, i guess I figured out what might have triggered me.

All Saints' day coming up. And realizing lot of my family is... well, dead. Never liked this time of year.

I do feel lonely. Alone with my demons and ghosts... or whatever it is. Friends don't really get it. even if they did, it don't help anyways. People feel so... temporary. Unreal.

not sure where i stand today. working on thesis and trying sounds sane and academic. As if. It brings old ghosts back too... and I am just not able to deal with those right now. It's too much.