Just when you think you are in control, just when you feel things are getting better, just when you start to have hope again.
The pain, the pain, it starts up again.
I start to have hope, I start to move forward but now I'm paralyzed.
These incessant mood swings, I did not ask for this, I do not want this. What have I done to deserve this? Was a mass murderer in a previous life and this is my karma?
I know what I'm supposed to do, I have been taught the skills, but what is the use if it just keeps happening.
I know others would miss me, I know all about the statistics of the legacy I would leave behind, but I don't care, I just don't care.
I feel so small, so small, so insignificant.
The pain it hurts so bad, it floods every part of my being with misery.
I try to help others and portray a role model of sorts, but its a lie, I'm phony, I'm no better than anybody else.
Where is the end, the peace, oh the peace that I so desperately crave for, I have felt you once in awhile but oh far too seldom, and for far to fleeting of a moment.
Can I bear this pain again? Should I bear this pain again? How many more times can I bear this pain again? All questions that need to be answered, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it all again.
The hurt that only we know, we share, it truly is a special kind of hell.
I cry for no-one and for everyone, but most of all I cry because of the pain.