I am in a same sex relationship. My first to be exact, and for some reason, the emotions that come with this relationship are amplified so much that i get turned off.. constantly, and tired.. literally. I just want to sleep when this stuff happens.

But the big thing that is bubbling acid in my throat is apologizing.
My girlfriend and I had a big bust up a month ago. feelings were hurt on both sides, but what came out of it is that I had been verbally abusive to her...for the whole relationship. she said that because i was insecure about myself on many occasions, i would turn it around on her, and make her feel low - thus in turn trying to make myself feel better. I didn't believe this, and we looked up the definition of emotional and verbal abuse and I did see something in which I have done. Absolutely. I took it on and started crying because I never thought in a million years, i would be THAT person, who would do that to someone i care about deeply...it makes me sick to this day that i would do that.

we tried to move past it in a way, and to rebuild our relationship. but one of the things that she said that she wants to help her feel better is for me to apologize everyday like this
"I am sorry that i was verbally abusive to you, and that I made you feel low. you mean the world to me, and I am very sorry. I will make sure that this never happens again because i love and care about you."

Some times she will ask me " How do you feel about verbally abusing me? do you feel low? do you feel like you have done something horrible to me? does it make you feel sick about what you did? are you remorseful etc"
And of course i will say yes, cause its true... but when its coming back like that from her mouth, it doesnt sit right with me.

Some times she will ask me to get down on my knees and apologize. to beg her for her forgiveness...because she is hurting... I will hesitate (because again... something isn't sitting right) and she will get emotional and say I should want to get down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness because I say that i love her, and that i should fight for our relationship.

Often times, i will apologize, and then i will forget.. for a couple of days. And then, its on again.
"ive noticed lately you havent addressed the verbal abuse. you havent said you were sorrythats been putting me in a dark place...Im hurting"

Now in no way shape or form do I expect her to get over how she felt, no do i not expect to put in work to repair the relationship. I have striven every single day to be a better partner to her then i was the day before. I have made a lot of changes in both the way i speak to her, my tone of voice, thinking of her etc. but sometimes, when stuff like this come up i just want to run...far away...

Am I in the wrong for feeling some type of way about apologizing every day? even though that's what she says she needs to move forward? I Just feel really disgusted that she puts the blame on me as if by me not apologizing verbally, on my knees sometimes, that i have thrust her into depression... I just don't want to take that... is that wrong of me?