Thanks for the responses, and I've taken everything very much to heart. To his credit, my BF actually asked me if I'd like him to "de-friend" her. I said "no" because I think she'd likely then reach out to him in private, and all I really needed was for him to offer....of his own accord without my pushing him into it.

I do respect his right to have female friends, including female friends who are exes...since I have quite a number of male friends and some ex-boyfriends who've moved safely into the "good, old friend" zone. This one particular girl just seemed a bit wacky and clueless.

Strangely enough, an ex-boyfriend of mine is having the SAME issues with his girlfriend...she's jealous that he's still in touch with so many of his exes. Ironically, she's okay with me...probably because I take very extra care to make her comfortable (maybe even to her boyfriend's detriment)....When we've all gotten together, I only refer to him as my friend and never as an ex-boyfriend...my current boyfriend is always with me at these group encounters, and I really do try to make her and their relationship the focus since they are a "newer" couple. But, I think some of his more recent ex-girfriends have not been as careful...and it's caused them a lot of problems unfortunately. :-(