I dont know why I have none. I have always been this way, and mostly I think it has a great deal to do a lot with my family. I come from a family who struggles with weight....well back in high school, I was actually at a very healthy weight. I would work out, eat right, and stay active...and because of this, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder. I look back on pictures of myself now, and I guess I could see why...I WAS super skinny...but I never FELT super skinny. I have always had a very curvy body, and a bit of a tummy on me....the stomach fat doesn't like to go away...
I am also bi-racial. I am half black/half white...but live with the white half of my family....my mother never really knew how raise a little black girl, lol....
I was pretty much raised white and my black half was pretty much ignored...and at some points even shunned....as my father was looked down on by my family. I never learned how to take care of my hair types, or skin types...what kinds of make-ups to use for my skin tone...I never had that growing up....and it was a great frustration of mine to know where to fit in.
So now, I am here as an adult...feeling very awkward about things. I have an anxiety disorder, which only makes things worse. I am back to being overweight from a dark period in my life where I was depressed and ate too much. And I have no idea about my roots or heritage.....
I WANT to have self esteem. I WANT to have confidence in myself.I WANT to be healthier and be able to walk around with confidence because nothing is sexier than that! I feel like if I were to get back to working out and did it regularly I would feel better about myself...if I had a stable income I could have more self confidence about the position I am in. The thing that is stopping me is my own personal fears and anxieties about it. I am scared to commit and move forward, and afraid of being looked down on, or accused of being something I am not.