Quote:
Originally Posted by Miles26
It is really frustrating because up until a month or so ago, she really seemed like she was over her marriage years ago. They lived at his fathers house for the past three years and hadn't slept in the same bed that entire time and their sex life was dismal ( once every two months or so). He treated her poorly never accompanied her anywhere, including his work Christmas parties which he attended alone and would verbally abuse and intimidate her. To top it all off he drives a BMW at the expense of his family not having a place of their own. I treat her great, we have fun I make her laugh and feel appreciated I even enrolled in some college courses she is in to be able to share more with her and to help her. Our sex life is fantastic and frankly I'm better looking! I'm hoping this is just a normal part of the process of leaving all you've known your entire adult life. I also think that since her boys now live with their father full time, she is missing them and therefore missing her old life. I see it in her face and it breaks my heart. I want to grab her and yell "don't you see how much I love you and how much you mean to me! He tested you like ****! That's why you left!" Thanks so much for the replies, it means so much to me! I really appreciate the support and the feedback.
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(((Miles)))
I can understand how frustrated and confused you are feeling right now. It sounded like she wasn't very happy or fulfilled at all by her husband. It makes sense, for your perspective, that her staying with you is a no-brainer. She's actually happy with you and she's able to do & be so much more!
The trick comes in with with her sons. I don't know how old her sons are, but things get tricky once kids are involved. You may live in an area that is far from their school ~ which would require switching schools, and a bunch of mumbo jumbo that can be a little traumatic. And that's on top of the fact that their father wasn't being a regular part of their lives. That's very traumatic. In my experience, kids need stability! I hope that they're now getting some help in therapy, to help them work through their confusion, guilt, resentment, and other emotions they may have towards things.
Your gf is a mom. First and foremost. She's probably got a lot of feelings that she's battling about leaving her hub, and how that may have affected her sons. Equaling guilt. I would advise you to let her make her own decision about what she wants to do. Maybe she will decide to stay with you and seek a divorce with split custody (or full-custody, w/ some visitations, if he's ever been abusive with the boys). But, she is an adult. She's a mother. Your gf has a right to do what's best for her and her boys.
Maybe that does include you. You need to be your ultimate #1 in the end. You have to hold your head up, restrain your ego a bit, and let your gf decide what's right for her to do. I wish you both the very best. Take care!