IMO It's verbal abuse that she is constantly reminding you of what you've done. I've done a lot of crap to my boyfriend and he's forgiven me with a huge heart. He pushes me in the direction of getting well and has set up boundaries that make the relationship safe for both of us.

Now we have a functioning relationship with a lot of love to give. He knows I feel bad for what I have done, but it doesn't mean I have to do it AGAIN.

Relationships take TWO (or more) to function. It takes communication and patience. If you try to be a better person, but she continues to be vindictive, there will be no healing. Think of it this way. A bridge is broken and only one half of it is fixed. How will you fix the other side if the contractor chooses not to work on their half? For now no one will pass the bridge. Communication becomes more difficult and no one is happy.