I feel so bad to leave my BF which now only a few days ago was diagnosed with cancer..his family which I am close to I feel are acting like Im a horrible person, but somehow I just got to the point I was ready to end this 5 year long charade I have had with him. He was manipulative and emotional abusive to me, even though this isnt what everyone thinks he is, because he can be so nice and charming and helpful. It was never physical but it was all the little things he did. Every time I would want to see a friend he would break off the relationship. I would come home and all his things would be gone. If I didnt want to do something he wanted to he would tell me off call me horrid stuff and walk out on me. then he would come back saying he was sorry and want me back, then it would be the honeymoon stage again. I kept taking him back because I loved him so much and never met anyone with such an attraction, no man filled the void like he did. Im 50-and I say do I really want to live like this for the rest of my life a man dropping me rejecting me every 2 weeks, packing up and leaving all my things on my doorstep for the rest of my life then waltzing back and expecting me to take him back like nothing is wrong with our relationships. Its hard bc I see our friends, that some divorced and met new people which they are now in real normal relationships and 5 years later we are not even off the ground. He has a RO against him from his wife and claims he will never commit to one of 'our race' again. So now just a few days later he has found out he has a mass and now putting on the major guilt trip on me about telling him he could not come back this time. I have had a really bad time, being abandoned by my ex and left penniless, was fired from my last job bc of drama with him, and have a new job now and yesterday I almost felt I had to leave work bc I couldnt deal with the stress of customers. I feel I am on the verge of a breakdown, I am so stressed out from all of this with him. But for the last two weeks, I have been so relaxed in my home alone. It has been so peaceful. MY friends even say I look 10 years younger the last week when I met them out-and I know its because im not walking on eggshells. I am just trying to make a better life for myself, am I a horrible person for leaving him now when hes sick? He has been sending me the most nastiest text messages about 'just go to the bar, its where you belong' and stuff like that. Even his sister had wrote me, "dont worry I am taking care of him." Like I am such a bad person. Am I horrible for staying away?